I just love all their reactions after that one photo
idk what i’m doing w/ my life but i know i’m doing it wrong
i’m that friend that has to walk behind the others when the sidewalk doesn’t fit a group of three
All shrek taught me was that if you want someone more attractive than you you have to wait till they’re ugly then swoop in
life hack: give a boy a stick of glue and tell him it’s chapstick. have him kiss you. be happy all the time forever. the boy is glued to you with glue
IT IS POSSIBLE THAT WE AS A FAMILY HAVE ACQUIRED A JESUS DILDO FROM MY GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE
it is definitely a dildo
do you go to confession after using this
May the Lord be in your heart and help you to confess your sins with true sorrow.
Well actually, Father, Jesus was more than in my heart.
OH MY FUCKING GOD IF YOU DON’T THINK THIS IS THE CUTEST SHIT EVER GO HOME
Of course it is.
ALL BITCHES THIS IS MY HOME TOWN TAKE A FUCKING SEAT WHILE I TELL YOU THIS STORY. GET A BOWL OF POPCORN BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS DOPE
IN THE 1940’S PORTLAND WAS PUTTING IN LAMPPOSTS AND FOR WHATEVER GOD DAMN REASON THIS ONE NEVER GOT FILLED.
IN 1946, DICK FAGAN, AN AMERICAN IRISHMAN WHO WROTE FOR THE OREGON JOURNAL, GOT BLOODY FUCKING BORED AT HIS JOB AND WOULD LOOK OUT HIS WINDOW ONTO THIS SAD EXCUSE FOR ROAD CONSTRUCTION HOLE. ONE DAY HE SAID “FUCK THIS” AND PLANTED SOME FLOWERS.
HE WROTE ABOUT THIS NEW FUCKING PARK AND SPOKE ABOUT HOW LEPRECHAUNS LIVED THERE AND SHIT. MOTHERFUCKING LEPRECHAUNS IN THE MIDDLE OF DOWNTOWN, WHAT THE SHIT.
HOLD ONTO TO THE EDGE OF YOUR SEATS BECAUSE THIS RIDE GETS EVEN BETTER. THIS PARK HOLDS A GUINNESS WORLD RECORD FOR BEING THE SMALLEST PARK WITH WITH INFORMATION SAYING “It was designated as a city park on 17 March 1948 at the behest of the city journalist Dick Fagan (USA) for snail races and as a colony for leprechauns”. MOTHER. FUCKING. SNAIL RACES. BITCHES.
IT’S EVEN BEEN PIMPED OUT OVER THE YEARS
HO HO HO MOTHERFUCKS WE CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS HERE
WE CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.
THE BEST PART IS THAT IT EVEN HAD OCCUPY PORTLAND PROTESTERS
SO I HOPE YOU FUCKING LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY ABOUT TINY ASS PARKS.
things to do during ubisoft credits:
- knit a sweater
- write a small novel
- sing the entirety of leonard cohen’s hallelujah
- perform an interpretive dance to the soundtrack music
- die and wait to fucking reincarnate
Socks, Bill Clinton’s pet cat, being hounded by the paparazzi
|—||Buddha (via cultmechanicus)|
when I was shopping today with my mom, we ran into one of her ex-coworkers and he introduced himself and shook my hand and was really friendly
and he and mom talked for a bit, and then after he walked away, my mom said
”He got fired because he killed three people.”
and I was kinda spooked for like the next 5 minutes until I remembered my mom is a surgeon